Wednesday, March 24, 2010
I just woke up. I am in a haze. It's as if I took meds or drank some Vodka but I didn't. Ever wake up in such a daze you are wondering what the fuck happened to you last night? I don't live a partying life style , that is probably the one thing I do in moderation. I don't do drugs and I drink but very rarely. This body ain't what it used to be at processing crap. Anyway on to my dreams.
I was with a work friend at the side of the road. She came to talk to me. We were in some bubble shaped ride but I got out. Traffic was coming down the lane way to the right. I stayed on the shoulder. I said bye or something, it felt like I did. Suddenly the bubble started to float away. I think when I was in the bubble before I got out it had floated with us in it. To our surprise. I had panicked but she quickly found a way to get the bubble car which was being attracted to a far away signal to hone in on a local signal and hover us to the ground. When I got out I saw a couple in a parked car on the shoulder behind us, white woman blonde hair and a man dirty blond hair. They may have had car trouble? I passed them in search of a bus stop but turned to look at my co worker friend who had floated away. She looked nice in a skirt and heels. But it looked like she was having a hell of a time getting the bubble car to catch the "local" signal. She was floating away looking slightly panicked or agitated. I couldn't tell. I just saw her high ponytail of brown hair and a reddish skirt with mary janes go up up and away. I wasn't concerned. I was trying to pass the parked couple on the shoulder and not get hit by on coming traffic. It was a sunny day and I needed a bus stop.
and then I was walking. On the shoulder of a highway with a text book. A friend or someone I know was with me or had come to me to ask what I was doing. They were over my left shoulder. I was walking the shoulder of a highway that I was thinking was 401 but it was not. This was a highway that may exist but I have yet to see it. I never saw the friend. I was worried about walking the highway and then a bus stop appeared on the shoulder. I walked toward the stop thinking this will take me where I want to go.
And then I was there. With a longtime friend.One of the lifers. A childhood friend and her "family " and friends. Women. But these in reality were people who were not like her family and friends here in life. They were black women but not her actual cousins or family who I had met. Except for her mom was there and her sister I think. We were at a table in what seemed like a department store or the Bay. There were cups and plates although I think we sat at a display table and talked. There were younger women, dressed in trendy clothes. I think they were friends of my friends younger sister but we all seemed familiar. We talked and cracked jokes. I held back, I don't know why.
And then I was at work. Which was a call centre but not like my workplace now. It was a blend of my past work place( a call centre) and this one. It was a big open space. The whole floor of a building. With low cubicle walls placed on top of desks so you could see the person across from you from the chest up. The place was like an L. The longer shape was desks sprinkled with a few agents. None of whom I knew. The shorter part was desks. As per usual I sat beside a co worker I have been paired with for three years now in my real life. Even in my dreams shes there...lol. Been trying to get away from her for years. But I guess to the company we are like a set and now in my subconscious we are? The IT guy was doing stuff around my desk. In reality the IT guy is the one who knows when you are fired. He walks you out. Witnesses the events. In reality he is a good guy. In my dream he was cool just doing his job.
Then a Philipino woman and a girl who I detest that I currently work with walked by my desk. I was not at my desk I was standing away from it. Within earshot of these people but not speaking. The women whispered. They left. I went to sit at my desk. They came back. They called me to an "office" which was a desk much like mine in the dream but a few rows away.
They told me I was fired. Half way through the Phillippino girl who was HR representation I think got a call. Someone was asking her about me. The girl said " We are doing it now". Then she said "april13th?" She was like it's already done. She turned to the woman I detest who I work with in reality (shes in our Retail division) and she says " he said we were not supposed to let her go until the 13th." The woman with her was sure it could be done today. The Hr girl said either way its done. They handed me a paper. I asked about my ROE and what it would say. They said R86 or H86. I asked what the code meant. No response. I asked about severance they said they didn't realize the company had that. They thought I was upset. I wasn't really. I had decided to enjoy the fleeting moment of freedom. The woman I detest sour faced as always, dressed in grey slacks and a reasonable pump, huffed and left. I took my papers and got up to go my desk. The HR girl was with me. It was at my desk. I had thought I would check to see if I left anything. He said I didn't its already done. I waved at my coworker as if I was just going home and said "bye".I passed the few call centre reps as I went out the door.
I met with a new boss. Can't remember if this was before or after the firing. The company like my company in reality had been bought out. The new owner was H R something? Hugh something? He had a name in the dream but in this haze its gone. Locked away in my mind. He met. I had a good reputation for work but also for speaking my mind. He asked me questions about three I don't remember the convo. I remember I spoke my mind. I know he said it was arrogant of me to not agree with all that was "given" to me. He said people would and do appreciate it. I knew whatever he had "done" was minimal and for his own benefit. I didn't , like in reality buy it.
When I was walking out with the HR girl I thought of him. And then I was with my mom in our old apartment. The one we moved to when I was 11. It was a nice place. Apparently I had gone to see her or moved in? I was standing in the living room alone.I turned and there she was. She had grey straggly hair about an inch long. It looked like lice was in it. She was gaunt. My heart cried for her. I think I hadn't seen her in a while but suddenly felt I lived with her. She was wearing a "house"dress kind of velbet material maroonish, deep purple with flowers. She has that dress. I asked her if she was ok. She limped by me as per usual and said yea I am fine.
I could not believe how old she looked and skinny she was. I suddenly felt like I lived with her. She went into her bedroom to lay down which is a reality of my mother. I went into my old room looked around. My mother had said, as she walked by she would be passing soon. She said it's a part of life as she says in reality. I panicked. I asked if she was ok. She said yea. I left the apartment not wanting to tell her I lost my job. I figured like in reality she would be mad.
I was back at the department store with the girls. They were talking. I mouthed to my childhood friend I was fired. She frowned for me. The girls kept on talking and then we started to walk. The Bay like department store turned into a Zellers like department store. From dim yellow lighting and beige carpets with white walkways to all white walkways no carpet and bright lights.
One of the girls( there were about 8) said she lived in the display. It was a nice display. Her kid was there. A light skinned or white kid with curly hair lay across a bed on display. Sheets hung seperating the areas of the home. It looked like a home admist a department store in a way.
We were headed to a festival.
The festival was musical. It was in a school classroom.We went in to find about 30 ppl lined sitting in a large classroom. One side of which was the "stage area" desks had been moved.
A male co worker, older, who I work with in reality was there. I was surprised at first but the music festival had all sorts of singers. I walked out of the classroom into the hall. The hall became the outside of the school and I saw the female coworker I had said bye to. We discussed my firing briefly. Hugged we were saying goodbye. And then we were back in the school hall outside of the festival. I looked down the hall and saw one of my former bosses (in reality). A guy I would classify as a walking vagina or man gina. I walked towards him. I cursed him out. I started to beat on him. Push him. Call him out on his vagina behavior. He tried to say things back, push me back but people were around I had pushed him into the classroom. Fellow festival go'ers called him a mangina and chanted it. He left I think.
And then a performer appeared. 50 cent. And he was angry with me. I was heated and yelled at him. Maybe he tried to protect the boss i attacked I can't remember. I remember I pushed 50 cent. Closed the classroom door behind me and ran into another class to hide behind the door. I figured I would stay there for hours until I knew he was gone and go home to my mother. Who was sick and dying. The thought made me cry.
I awoke. In this haze. Heavy. Confused. Tearful. I woke many times in the night on the night of this dream. It was broken up. It had emotion. It spoke to me. It sounds fucked I know. I sat up or tried to but flopped back down. I could barely move. My body was no responsive. I was so heavy with something but felt too alert to be asleep. I walked zombie like out of my room by mental force. I felt the dream with me on me. You ever have that?
I felt the loss of my mom. I felt the uncertainty of no job. The anger I had when I justifiably attacked my old boss and the fear of being hunted by a man whose intent was to crush me.
Geez this sounds like a day in life...
Anyway the moral of the story is...DO NOT EAT CHICKEN WINGS at night.