Thursday, February 11, 2010

Apologies...

I wish John Mayer would stop speaking,stop twittering his"clever" twat-like thoughts for a day or two. I need time to absorb the fact this musician who I listened to with my heart made a public omission his penis would lynch me if it could. Ok, maybe not lynch me but the words "White Supremacist" evokes a picture of a small pink penis erect with a pubic mustache and a mean look... Yes penises have looks.Anyway thats besides the point.

I just read that John Mayer apologized for his "clever" remarks.
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*Sigh...

I read the entire Playboy interview. I read his confessions with regards to romance, relationships, high school, music and porn. I read as John Mayer the writer of "Your Body is a Wonderland" discussed that he likes to jack off...A lot and sometimes for up to 90 minutes with an array of internet porn to facilitate his fantasies about past lovers. I read as he described in detail about " the shot" hunt and looking for the one photo he could finish to...

I then watched his apology. of the five minute footage not even 90 seconds of it was apologetic or came off as sincere. This "apology" started with " Oh whoa is me" went into some "I am misunderstood" and ended with " Don't you like the black people who play with me? See they are still here."

I wonder how John's band members felt when they heard they allowed him a "hood pass" or "Nigger pass" by embracing him as a person. I wonder how his back up singers felt when they heard his penis looked upon their womanhood with disdain. I wonder what they are feeling standing before the world behind a man who just told them, despite their friendships at the end of the day he really thought they were niggers, nigga, his nigga, his nig - whatever the fuck the "Super Dope Fresh" slang is. IT SHOULD NOT BE USED.


Nigger Defined

nig⋅ger
  /ˈnɪgər/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [nig-er] Show IPA
Usage note:
The term nigger is now probably the most offensive word in English. Its degree of offensiveness has increased markedly in recent years, although it has been used in a derogatory manner since at least the Revolutionary War. Definitions 1a, 1b, and 2 represent meanings that are deeply disparaging and are used when the speaker deliberately wishes to cause great offense. Definition 1a, however, is sometimes used among African-Americans in a neutral or familiar way. Definition 3 is not normally considered disparaging—as in “The Irish are the niggers of Europe” from Roddy Doyle's The Commitments—but the other uses are considered contemptuous and hostile.

–noun
1. Slang: Extremely Disparaging and Offensive.
a. a black person.
b. a member of any dark-skinned people.
2. Slang: Extremely Disparaging and Offensive. a person of any race or origin regarded as contemptible, inferior, ignorant, etc.
3. a victim of prejudice similar to that suffered by blacks; a person who is economically, politically, or socially disenfranchised

Source:http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/nigger

Regardless of the variations in meaning one thing is constant. This word cannot be erased from history. This word is more than a word it stood for and still represents a belief. The belief that a group of people are lesser because God blessed them with more in skin color. The belief that people weren't people if they didn't look the same. The belief that only a few had the right to live freely if at all.

I cannot embrace this word. I think of the men, women and children who hung from trees, were raped, who ran for their lives while the word Nigger sounded off a hunt, was said as a blessing before a violation or was used to condone the killing, dismembering and enslaving of black people. Black human beings.

I knew John Mayer was a risk. I could tell his "cleverness" and "wit" were edgy and quick. I felt that one day John would out "smart" himself. And he did. In all his interviews no matter how outrageous his ideas they were never delivered without intellect. But last night John fumbled through an apology as if he wasn't sure what he was apologizing for. I wish he would have just played his show. I wish he would shut up for a few days and really think about it.

Apologies are what people give to appease the majority. To fit into social norms. I am working on the forgiveness thing. In my experience I have found people only do or say to you what they feel they can get away with. In that action that they take towards you just take a moment to see what they have done. They have shown you what they think of you, they have acted upon you in a way they felt was theirs, an entitlement and they have ultimately opened your eyes to the truth.

I often don't accept apologies. Instead I thank for the truth. I thank that person for sharing what they really thought of me, for letting me know how they really felt and for showing me their true soul. Harsh? Maybe. But like John Mayer sang alongside Alicia Keys " Yes I was burned but I call it a lesson learned."

Maya Angelou has a quote I love. "When people show you who they are. Believe them"

I hope John Mayer takes sometime to think about his remarks and what they really mean to not only his sales or music career but to think about what they mean to John Mayer as a person.





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